i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this boner is exhausting
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
