I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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