Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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