i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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