Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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