i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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