If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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