You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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