You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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