I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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