He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
