I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
