A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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