i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
