i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
