I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am available for nakedness
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
