I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
