The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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