They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
