i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
