I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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