Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
