Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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