Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
