I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
