Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
