he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
