I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
