Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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