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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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