jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
