i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
