Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
