They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
