i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
