Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
