You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
