I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
