If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
