but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
