I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
did i walk over a car last night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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