broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
