fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
