If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
