if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
