i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
