God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
