Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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