i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
