i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
