if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
