last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
