Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
