I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
