Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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