Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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