just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
