he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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