Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
