i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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