the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
