I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
