Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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