I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
