even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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