There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
