im having a threesome with these popsicles
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
