I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
