i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
