Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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