they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
