Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
