I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
