1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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