careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
