I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
