Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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