I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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