matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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