chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
