genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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