That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
