How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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