I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
