My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
